Thursday, December 30, 2010

Mornings... i despise thee

This morning has been far more exciting than my entire week combined... Woke up to my dog shitting rotting dog shit all over his crate, the smell alone made me vomit stomach acid in the kitchen sink. After cleaning up the rotting dog shit i take it out front to throw away in our garbage can, only to find said dog and his dumb friend (our other dog) running around the street. They got out, again.... So as i run around like a crazy woman in my front yard, bare footed and without a bra, i step in piles of mud and thorns because last night it poured buckets. After getting the dogs back into the yard i notice my indoor only cat had got out because i left the front door open, luckily he is smart and realized i was pissed and ran inside on his own, no chasing needed.

I will spare you photos... as i believe you can imagine the horror show that was my morning

On a side note, I received "fart putty" for christmas this year, and i can't stop playing with it *FFFAAAARRRRRRRTTTTT*

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Elmer's Glue

Any one else used to love to spread Elmer's glue all over their hand, let it dry, and peel it off?

Well i still do, it is fun! The feeling of it slowly separating from your skin, the slight cool breeze on your skin, and let's not forget the mind numbing smell! It's like the feeling you get when you peel a pore strip off of your face. Remember when Biore strips first came out? I was like 14 or 15 and they were giving them out at Lilith Fair.. they were also giving away condoms.. coincidence? I THINK NOT! Who want's to hump a girl with huge pores?!I digress....

What is this gunk on my dashboard?

I was driving today and noticed this black goo all over my dashboard. It looks like someone sneezed small amount of tar. So while driving I couldn't stop thinking about what it was, mud? skin cells? boogers? food? Then it just started to freak me out so I had to clean it off, lucky me being smart mom remembered the baby wipes. So I went to town at every stop i hit, I was a lean mean, cleaning and cruising machine. That is until I finished cleaning my dashboard.....

Fan ticks.. 162 BPM

Maybe it's the nerdy band geek in me who still longs for the smell of a grassy football field and 20 year old wool jackets... I am a musician at heart and always will be. Lately our fan has been making this ticking noise and it has been driving me up the wall. I started tapping the beat...doign different beat variations... tapping out old McDonald.... Anyhoo, I bust out my metronome to figure out how fast the tapping was going, I figured 130 and was WRONG! HA! I got a good chuckle out of that one.

Why is there a crack in my ceiling?

As I was falling asleep last night I noticed a loooooong crack in my ceiling, and wondered to myself "how long has that been up there?"... I must have fallen asleep under that crack 760 times (365 days a year x 2 + 20 days prorated - 10 days away on vacation) That is a long time to stare at something and not even know it was there.... kinda like the 2nd Kardashian sister... ha... but I digress. I really wonder how long that crack has been there and how it got there.

See, it's not a particularly WIDE crack... just long and skinny. Makes me wonder if there used to be a wall here.

Disney Dahmer Style

I am having an issue filling my new freezer.. when we received it as a gift I thought it would be an awesome way to save on our food bill. Little did I know my Mother in Law figured we needed an industrial double body sized freezer. Do you know how incredibly expensive it is to fill a freezer that size?

My freezer is pretty pathetic... and sadly enough this was the contents of the freezer above my fridge (minus the lasagna). just shuffled stuff around so it wasn't a complete waste of space.

Please notice the giant sized Tigger is lost in this massive black hole of a contraption. He has lost his bounce and will to live....

"J-J-J-Just close the door and leave me alone, hoo-hoo-hoo-hooooo!"

For real.... I am a proud owner of a freakishly large freezer.. more updates to come when I start to fill it up!

Chili's Giftcard Giveaway... not so mundane

Help break up the mundane in your life with a $20 gift certificate to Chillis! I am a huge fan of their chips and salsa..mmm...

Cuckoo for coupon deals
is the blog, pretty cool blog as well if you are a coupon queen like myself.

Speed Bumps

Most people use "speed bumps" as a metaphor in life when they run into a problem, something that wasn't planned, something that shakes up your life a tad and leaves you anxious. Normal people don't go out looking for said speed bumps in life... and normal people wouldn't go out seeking ACTUAL speed bumps.

I am not normal.

Yesterday they installed new speed bumps in my neighborhood, I was so excited to find this out I forced my husband to take me out and drive over these newly asphalted bumps in the road... yeah... it was just as exciting as it sounds, not very. The posted speed limit is now 20 mph, so I decided we needed to go the exact speed limit. The speed bumps were so high and wide, I really thought 20 was an excessive speed... and it was! Then we came to the end of the street and turned around and drove 15 mph to my delight, was the money speed.